Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
