You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
nutella sex= disaster
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
