I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
