Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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