My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
