I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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