I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
