You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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