i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
