keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
