You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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