Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
