Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
