Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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