Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
