this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
