i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
