So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
