I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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