summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
