Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize