3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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