I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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