Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
try to milk me bitch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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