He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize