I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
