i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
