I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
