no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She bit a glass in half.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
