I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize