You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
