I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We're too hungover to prance.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
