dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
