Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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