Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
