i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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