you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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