no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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