Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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