The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
