thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
