Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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