OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
