It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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