Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
