i think i have herpe
just one?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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