So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
