the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
