I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
