i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
