you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
