I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize