Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
