i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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