so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Damn victory sex feels great
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
