If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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