Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You are the jesus of drinking
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
