Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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