Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize