I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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