I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
